I remember getting “ghosted” by a friend before ghosting was a widespread cultural phenomenon.
According to Merriam-Webster, ghosting is “the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone … usually without explanation.”
With every remembrance of the friend who cut me off, pain stabbed me in the heart over and over. We had shared meals, clothes, living spaces, holidays and faith. We had traveled across the country to visit one another. This wasn’t just any friendship — it was one of my best ones ever.
Then suddenly, without a known cause, my emails were not returned. My friend enacted a nuclear Facebook reboot, erasing all traces of the past, including our ties.
I didn’t know what to say or do. My emotions pulled me in so many directions — fear, sadness, desperation, anger, confusion and indignance. But my deepest hurt stemmed from abject rejection.
Then as I turned to my Bible for comfort one day, the words in Psalm 55 jumped off the page. I learned I wasn’t alone in getting ghosted by a close friend. David had also experienced this when a good friend turned against him.
David’s trust was shattered when his friend felt more like an enemy. He wrestled with the new truth of his friend’s betrayal. Perhaps the most painful part was the fact they had shared a bond of faith. David wistfully reminisced in Psalm 55:14: “What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.”
But David didn’t stay stuck in his pain of getting rejected. Instead, he poured out his pain in prayer, trusting that God cared about his feelings.
In Psalm 55, we can find a plan for how to deal with getting ghosted. Let’s look at David’s account to see what we can do with our own pain.
- Go to God in prayer. David started his psalm with a request for God to listen. (Psalm 55:1-2) Going to God first will tether us to Him more than to our hurt.
- Admit you feel overwhelmed. In Psalm 55:2, David said his heart was “overwhelmed” with his problems. Being ghosted produces a flood of feelings, yet God is our ever-present anchor.
- Pour out all your feelings. David shared his unedited thoughts with God, though they were painful and strong. (Psalm 55:3-11) God is ready to handle the hot mess of our feelings when we get ghosted.
- Reflect on your relationship. David talked to God about memories with his friend and recounted hurts related to the rejection, sharing both the good and the bad. (Psalm 55:12-14, 20-21) God wants to hear the full story of our rejection.
- Give your burdens to God. After this painful outpouring, David surrendered all his feelings to God. He trusted God to hear him, care for him, protect him and rescue him. (Psalm 55:16-19, 22-23) We can trust God to do the same for us.
You may not be able to prevent getting ghosted or betrayed, but you can turn to God for comfort and help, like David did, if you face this situation. And friend, even more importantly … God wants you to turn to Him.
Our good God is waiting for us to reach out for His divine comfort. Let’s take Him up on that today.
Dear Jesus, You know how much getting ghosted hurts. Your friends deserted You in Your time of greatest distress, yet You turned to Your Father in prayer. Remind me to trust You with all my feelings if I get ghosted. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
